i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
