Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
