Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
