After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
