I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
