The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
