Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you traded sex for a burrito?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
