thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
