$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
