Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
