wanna go halves on a baby?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
