Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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