Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woke up backwards on a recliner
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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