You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
