i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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