I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
