And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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