thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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