Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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