Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Two words: blizzard sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
