how can u be prego again
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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