I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
