It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
