fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
