he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
