How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
