i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
