She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
