I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
