she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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