Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
