Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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