party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
