Can i not drive my cunt home
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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