Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
