Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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