Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
