I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
