i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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