No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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