Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
