HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
