I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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