I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
