accomplished twins. life is a go
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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