We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
