The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
