turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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