He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
