the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
