TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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