You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
