it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
