Who wears a wallet chain?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
