it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
